Tonight is the last night I will be 47 years old. The night before my birthday I always reflect on the year. I think about my trials, tribulations and triumphs. My goal is to be s better me every year, and vow to not let the same things that caused me to stumble this year, cause me to stumble next year.
I have dealt with some things that I have never dealt with before, and some things that I thought I would never have to deal with again. I look back in amazement that I’m still standing. Like Marvin Sapp says in his song “Never Would’ve Made It.”
I’m stronger, I’m wiser
I’m better, much better
When I look back over all you brought me through
I can see that you were the one I held on to
The you that I held on to is God. I don’t know how anyone can navigate life without Him. I’ve been through some things this year that I could have legit lost my mind, BUT GOD said not so!!
I took control of my health for real this past year. Not how I had done in the past, but with consistency. Little steps turned into bigger steps and now I see my progress. I’ve lost 75lbs so far!
As I reflect, I have no regrets. Every test has become a part of my story. My story shows the essence of Annjanette. My story has helped develop the strong, God-fearing confident woman I am today.
I’m ready for Chapter 48 of the book titled “Annjanette.”
So many times others may make us feel that we are not worthy of their love. That we have only conditional approval with them. That we have to jump through hoops and leap tall buildings to even begin to measure up to their requirements. Well, if no one has told you lately, I want to let you know that you are valuable!
You have so much to offer, and it is time to tap into yourself and determine your worth. People will treat us how we allow them to treat us. We have to expect to be treated like a rare diamond because we are a rare diamond.
We have so much untapped potential. Imagine our value, if we only knew our worth. How much are you worth? What do you bring to the table? Shouldn’t a potential mate bring at least the same thing to the table as you bring to the table? Why do we think it is okay to accept crumbs, when we can have the entire meal?
When you recognize your worth, you won’t allow others to abuse your kindness. When you recognize your worth, you won’t do things that lessen your worth. You will not degrade yourself so the other person can feel valued. When you recognize your worth, others will recognize your worth too. Some people won’t even approach you because they will recognize that they have to approach you correctly, or not at all.
So, I ask you again – what is you worth? Isn’t it time you find out?
Rejection seems cruel and we don’t feel good after being rejected. Nobody wants to be rejected for any reason, but rejection does happen. Rejection is not the final answer. It’s how we handle the rejection.
Recently, I experienced rejection at work. I wasn’t happy, and I’ll admit that I haven’t fully recovered from feeling rejected. However, I learned some lessons from the rejection that will help me achieve success.
In every trial and test we go through we have to determine what am I supposed to learn from this experience. Our comeback determines our future success.
Here’s some lessons I have learned from rejection:
1. I can say no. So many times we relinquish our power by giving in to be used, but saying no reclaims our power over our future.
2. I have a lot to offer. The skills and experiences that I bring to the table speak for themselves. It’s time I recognize that and not expect anyone else to validate me.
3. Write my vision for my future and begin to set my vision in motion by completing tasks that will get me closer to the fruition of my vision.
4. Take the limits off of me. Don’t limit myself to being placed in a box with a lid, but enlarge my territory and refuse to have lids placed on me.
5. Don’t be afraid to take chances.
6. Always remember I have value, and refuse to allow anyone to belittle my value in their actions or deeds.
7. I can be angry and not act out. There’s a way to express myself without negativity being attached to my words or actions.
8. Let it go! Don’t let this situation hinder my progress.
9. I choose to make feeling rejected a temporary feeling.
10. Learn all I can because I want my results to be maturity and growth.
Rejection doesn’t feel good, but the lessons learned from rejection are priceless.
You think you’re ready for marriage. You feel you have everything together. You’re easy on the eyes, and can’t seem to understand why you are constantly looked over. Are you being honest with yourself? Are you really ready for marriage.
Here are seven signs that you’re not ready for marriage, and yet have some self-work to complete:
1. You’re selfish. You can’t fathom placing someone else’s needs above your own even for a moment. Whatever is going on has to be about you. You could never see yourself having to take care of a spouse with a chronic health condition. That would be your cue to exit.
2. You’re not letting someone else know where you’re going. You don’t have to do that! Well, when you marry someone it’s just a courtesy to let your spouse know your plans. People leave home every day, and never make it back home. It’s a sign of maturity to let your spouse know when you will arrive home.
3. You expect your spouse to fit into your life because you’re not changing. When you get married your life becomes our life. You’re not expected to stop doing what you’re doing, but you are expected to create a life with your spouse.
4. You refuse to openly communicate about your finances. Listen, this is not a roommate arrangement. When you get married, your finances become our finances. Your credit becomes our credit. Many marriages are destroyed because of finances. If you’re not ready to be truthful about your finances, you’re not ready for marriage.
5. The only good communication you have is sexual communication. Let me tell you that’s not enough! When you’re fully clothed and standing up, you have to be able to effectively communicate. Communication is very important for the success of your marriage.
6. Your vision of what marriage should be is based on what you have read in a book, seen on TV or what worked for your parents.
7. You refuse to let past transgressions go! You keep a running tally of what others do to you, or things you don’t like. You can’t wait to bring up these transgression over and over and over again. There’s no clean slate with you.
If you found yourself in any of the above statements, all is not lost. You have to be willing to work on yourself. There’s hope.
I have been a church girl the majority of my life, and church has been instrumental in my development. I remember completing homework, while at church. If church was going on, we were in attendance. It didn’t matter what day of the week or what time church would be over, were were present and still had to attend school the next day.
We learned a lot of Bible facts and increased our biblical knowledge, but one area was missed in our education – sex education. Oh we had sex education at school, but at church we were told don’t do it and at home we were taught nothing about sex. Let me clarify – I wasn’t taught anything about sex.
I remember the one conversation that I had with my mother about sex. A few of my classmates were pregnant, and I asked my mom what would she do if I told her I was pregnant. She said, “I will kill you!” I believed her. That’s the only conversation we had that even remotely involved sex.
Fast forward to a night on a school bus returning from playing basketball, and the conversation was “who had had sex and with who.” I had not had sex, but I wanted to fit in for a change. I lied saying I had sex. I didn’t figure out until later that the older girls were asking the younger girls the questions, but never told about themselves…
I mention this moment because maybe, just maybe being able to talk to my mom about sex could have prepared me for moments like that. Maybe I would have been more confident in being a virgin, and not ashamed to admit I was still a virgin. Maybe I could have provided other virgins the courage to stand in their truth.
I stumbled through my teens not knowing the importance of my virginity. Only being told sex was bad, and church girls didn’t have sex until they were married. Parents and church leaders forgot some important information along the way. What happened to equipping me with knowledge other than sex is bad?! Sex isn’t bad. Sex feels good!
The church and my parents failed me in this area. I needed to be taught the value of my virginity. I needed to be taught that every choice has a consequence. I needed to be taught that with having sex comes responsibility. Was I ready to discuss sexual preferences with a sex partner? What about getting tested for STDs? What if I become pregnant? Would I want this person in my life for essentially the rest of my life? Am I willing to share what makes me feel good sexually?
Having these conversations in a youth group or in a safe environment, would have prepared me for my future sex life. Instead I stumbled along. I tripped and ultimately I fell until finally I learned with the help of my husband.
I vowed to have open and honest communication about sex with my children, and children I have taught along my journey. When we only say sex is bad, we do a disservice to our children. We need to tell the truth, educate our children so they make good decisions, and more importantly confide in us. We want them to value our opinion, and seek out our wisdom as they make life altering decisions.
I’m sick and tired of people trying to tell me to get over it and deal with it he’s the president.
I’m sick and tired of hearing give him a chance. Who did he give a chance? Did he give Pres. Obama a chance? Did he try to facilitate positive change in our country? Did he give people that look like me a chance? Did he give women a chance? No he didn’t!
I’m sick and tired of hearing it’s not that serious. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. When I heard Lil Hands state over and over he’s going to “make America great again,” while attempting to fill his cabinet with mega rich, predominantly White males who have little if any experience in the areas they are being nominated; it’s a big deal! When known White supremacist are being placed in key positions that can only “make America outwardly racists again,” it’s a big deal!
I’m sick and tired of hearing he’s all citizens of the United States president. I’ll still be shouting he’s not my president! I didn’t vote for him. We don’t share the same basic truth that all men and women are created equal. How can two walk together except they agree? It would be one thing if our differences in opinions were just politics. However, that’s not the issue. We don’t agree on foundational morals and ethics. Cheetoh Man has serious character flaws, and clearly he’s not willing to change because he’s always right!
I’m sick and tired of my own people. We complain, but don’t include a solution for our complaint. We allow the dollar to rule our decision making, when we should take a stand. In the face of opposition we can look through history and read where our people took a stand. They stood for something that mattered! Where is that today? Yet, these are the type of people we allow our children to emulate.
I’m sick and tired, yet I’m more determined than ever to be an instrument of change. I’ll talk about what I’m committing to do in my next post.
As 2016 comes to an end, I reflect on the lessons I’ve learned about myself and others. These lessons have been eye openers. Each lesson has caused me to grow, made me stronger and continued to shape me into the woman I am right now.
I realize that even though these lessons hurt I am not mad at anyone. It is what it is. I sleep well at night because I treat people the way I want to be treated. As difficult as it has been, I have remained consistent in how I treat others.
The lessons I’ve learned are in no particular order of importance. However, each lesson has defined me and played a significant role in my most recent development.
When I need encouraging, I have to encourage myself. As much as I have encouraged others, I didn’t receive that in return. I had some valley experiences that I had to encourage myself because that same gift I have to recognize when others need encouragement wasn’t operating in the lives of those that I encountered on a daily basis. Encouraging myself caused me to rely more on God than people.
It doesn’t matter how nice I am to others, there will always be someone that doesn’t like me. I used to care. I used to wonder why doesn’t this person like me, what could I do to make him or her like me or what did I do to cause him or her not to like me? This past year I’m over caring about how others feel about me. I can’t be responsible for someone else’s feelings. I’m going to be me.
People that I considered my friends did not feel the same way about me. This lesson was a shock to my system, and begin to cause me to build a familiar wall of protection around myself. This wall would lead to me separating myself from others.
As I was taking a shower one morning, God reminded me that He made me different from others. That difference is what allows me to be so transparent and open to others. This realization destroyed the wall, and replaced it with a greeter assurance of who I am.
This year has included some ups and downs, but I won’t complain. I’m still here. I lived, I learned and I grew. I’m looking forward to 2017 with great expectation!
These life lessons are not listed in order of importance, and there’s a story behind each lesson.
1. I have to love myself.
2. I’m my own Stan (fan)!
3. Sometimes I have to encourage myself.
4. God has to be a priority in my life.
5. Family is important.
6. Treat others the way I want to be treated.
7. Forgiveness frees me.
8. I can do bad by myself.
9. I know my worth.
10. Common sense will get you further than book sense.
11. Don’t lie.
12. Integrity is important.
13. Word is bond.
14. Be careful of the company you keep.
15. Be a good friend.
16. It’s not always about me.
17. Karma is real.
18. My husband is my best friend.
19. Happiness is a choice.
20. My life has purpose.
21. Hell is real.
22. Be authentic.
23. Live a life without regrets.
24. Stress kills.
25. Be informed
26. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
27. Read on a regular basis.
28. Be open to constructive criticism.
29. Travel as often as I can.
30. Invest in myself.
31. Enjoy life to the fullest.
33. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
34. Cultivate friendships
35. Don’t let anyone misuse me.
36. Be honest.
37. Laugh often
38. Have a sense of humor.
39. Don’t be judgmental.
40. It okay to say I’m sorry.
41. Everybody will not like me.
42. Sex is good.
43. Be a good parent.
44. Be trustworthy.
45. Don’t go to bed angry.
46. Eat something you’ve never eaten before.
Cheers to these life lessons, and I can’t wait for the next 46 more! Happy Birthday to me!