I need some men to answer this question for me…
I have been a church girl the majority of my life, and church has been instrumental in my development. I remember completing homework, while at church. If church was going on, we were in attendance. It didn’t matter what day of the week or what time church would be over, were were present and still had to attend school the next day.
We learned a lot of Bible facts and increased our biblical knowledge, but one area was missed in our education – sex education. Oh we had sex education at school, but at church we were told don’t do it and at home we were taught nothing about sex. Let me clarify – I wasn’t taught anything about sex.
I remember the one conversation that I had with my mother about sex. A few of my classmates were pregnant, and I asked my mom what would she do if I told her I was pregnant. She said, “I will kill you!” I believed her. That’s the only conversation we had that even remotely involved sex.
Fast forward to a night on a school bus returning from playing basketball, and the conversation was “who had had sex and with who.” I had not had sex, but I wanted to fit in for a change. I lied saying I had sex. I didn’t figure out until later that the older girls were asking the younger girls the questions, but never told about themselves…
I mention this moment because maybe, just maybe being able to talk to my mom about sex could have prepared me for moments like that. Maybe I would have been more confident in being a virgin, and not ashamed to admit I was still a virgin. Maybe I could have provided other virgins the courage to stand in their truth.
I stumbled through my teens not knowing the importance of my virginity. Only being told sex was bad, and church girls didn’t have sex until they were married. Parents and church leaders forgot some important information along the way. What happened to equipping me with knowledge other than sex is bad?! Sex isn’t bad. Sex feels good!
The church and my parents failed me in this area. I needed to be taught the value of my virginity. I needed to be taught that every choice has a consequence. I needed to be taught that with having sex comes responsibility. Was I ready to discuss sexual preferences with a sex partner? What about getting tested for STDs? What if I become pregnant? Would I want this person in my life for essentially the rest of my life? Am I willing to share what makes me feel good sexually?
Having these conversations in a youth group or in a safe environment, would have prepared me for my future sex life. Instead I stumbled along. I tripped and ultimately I fell until finally I learned with the help of my husband.
I vowed to have open and honest communication about sex with my children, and children I have taught along my journey. When we only say sex is bad, we do a disservice to our children. We need to tell the truth, educate our children so they make good decisions, and more importantly confide in us. We want them to value our opinion, and seek out our wisdom as they make life altering decisions.
After reading the above articles and coming to your own conclusion, I’m interested to know your thoughts on Safe Injection Facilities. I also want to know your thoughts on my opinion of preferential treatment being provided to White America in how drug abuse is treated and viewed when it’s a White America problem versus a Black America problem.
I’m sick and tired of people trying to tell me to get over it and deal with it he’s the president.
I’m sick and tired of hearing give him a chance. Who did he give a chance? Did he give Pres. Obama a chance? Did he try to facilitate positive change in our country? Did he give people that look like me a chance? Did he give women a chance? No he didn’t!
I’m sick and tired of hearing it’s not that serious. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. When I heard Lil Hands state over and over he’s going to “make America great again,” while attempting to fill his cabinet with mega rich, predominantly White males who have little if any experience in the areas they are being nominated; it’s a big deal! When known White supremacist are being placed in key positions that can only “make America outwardly racists again,” it’s a big deal!
I’m sick and tired of hearing he’s all citizens of the United States president. I’ll still be shouting he’s not my president! I didn’t vote for him. We don’t share the same basic truth that all men and women are created equal. How can two walk together except they agree? It would be one thing if our differences in opinions were just politics. However, that’s not the issue. We don’t agree on foundational morals and ethics. Cheetoh Man has serious character flaws, and clearly he’s not willing to change because he’s always right!
I’m sick and tired of my own people. We complain, but don’t include a solution for our complaint. We allow the dollar to rule our decision making, when we should take a stand. In the face of opposition we can look through history and read where our people took a stand. They stood for something that mattered! Where is that today? Yet, these are the type of people we allow our children to emulate.
I’m sick and tired, yet I’m more determined than ever to be an instrument of change. I’ll talk about what I’m committing to do in my next post.
As 2016 comes to an end, I reflect on the lessons I’ve learned about myself and others. These lessons have been eye openers. Each lesson has caused me to grow, made me stronger and continued to shape me into the woman I am right now.
I realize that even though these lessons hurt I am not mad at anyone. It is what it is. I sleep well at night because I treat people the way I want to be treated. As difficult as it has been, I have remained consistent in how I treat others.
The lessons I’ve learned are in no particular order of importance. However, each lesson has defined me and played a significant role in my most recent development.
When I need encouraging, I have to encourage myself. As much as I have encouraged others, I didn’t receive that in return. I had some valley experiences that I had to encourage myself because that same gift I have to recognize when others need encouragement wasn’t operating in the lives of those that I encountered on a daily basis. Encouraging myself caused me to rely more on God than people.
It doesn’t matter how nice I am to others, there will always be someone that doesn’t like me. I used to care. I used to wonder why doesn’t this person like me, what could I do to make him or her like me or what did I do to cause him or her not to like me? This past year I’m over caring about how others feel about me. I can’t be responsible for someone else’s feelings. I’m going to be me.
People that I considered my friends did not feel the same way about me. This lesson was a shock to my system, and begin to cause me to build a familiar wall of protection around myself. This wall would lead to me separating myself from others.
As I was taking a shower one morning, God reminded me that He made me different from others. That difference is what allows me to be so transparent and open to others. This realization destroyed the wall, and replaced it with a greeter assurance of who I am.
This year has included some ups and downs, but I won’t complain. I’m still here. I lived, I learned and I grew. I’m looking forward to 2017 with great expectation!
I can relate to this article. My name is Annjanette. I have had people mispronounce my name and call me every other name that begins with an A, but Annjanette.
The older I have become, the more adamant I am about pronouncing and spelling my name correctly. When I entered college, instructors and classmates would ask, “What else are you called?” I would say, “Annjanette.”
When I entered Corporate America, I was asked the same question with a twist, “What’s your nickname?” I would respond, “I don’t use my nickname in the workplace. I use Annjanette.”
I’ve had managers pronounce and spell my name wrong. I insisted on my name being pronounced and spelled correctly. When my name is placed in an Outlook email, the spell check used to change it to Andante. I don’t know if it still does. There were real people who would send me an email that began – “Hello, Andante.”
I would be so tempted to reply and spell their name wrong, but I didn’t. My email would start with a greeting and then my first sentence would be, “My name is Annjanette.” Of course I would receive apologies, but I admit that those people loss work professional points with me. Not taking the time to spell my name correctly shows a lack of concern and the person doesn’t value me.
One of the latest incidents that’s still fresh in my mind happened about two years ago. I had an interim supervisor, and we had team huddles at the beginning of our shift every day. Every day this dude mispronounced my name, and every day I corrected him! Finally, I had enough! He had mispronounced my name for the last time!
I stopped the huddle and said, “Listen, you have mispronounced my name for the last time! I have corrected you every day, and I realize that pronouncing my name correctly is not important to you. Since you can’t pronounce my name correctly, call me Mrs. Halton!” From that day forward I didn’t call him by his name. If I needed his assistance and he was assisting someone else, I would say tell dude to come over here when he’s finished helping you.
Put some respect on my name!
These life lessons are not listed in order of importance, and there’s a story behind each lesson.
1. I have to love myself.
2. I’m my own Stan (fan)!
3. Sometimes I have to encourage myself.
4. God has to be a priority in my life.
5. Family is important.
6. Treat others the way I want to be treated.
7. Forgiveness frees me.
8. I can do bad by myself.
9. I know my worth.
10. Common sense will get you further than book sense.
11. Don’t lie.
12. Integrity is important.
13. Word is bond.
14. Be careful of the company you keep.
15. Be a good friend.
16. It’s not always about me.
17. Karma is real.
18. My husband is my best friend.
19. Happiness is a choice.
20. My life has purpose.
21. Hell is real.
22. Be authentic.
23. Live a life without regrets.
24. Stress kills.
25. Be informed
26. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
27. Read on a regular basis.
28. Be open to constructive criticism.
29. Travel as often as I can.
30. Invest in myself.
31. Enjoy life to the fullest.
33. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
34. Cultivate friendships
35. Don’t let anyone misuse me.
36. Be honest.
37. Laugh often
38. Have a sense of humor.
39. Don’t be judgmental.
40. It okay to say I’m sorry.
41. Everybody will not like me.
42. Sex is good.
43. Be a good parent.
44. Be trustworthy.
45. Don’t go to bed angry.
46. Eat something you’ve never eaten before.
Cheers to these life lessons, and I can’t wait for the next 46 more! Happy Birthday to me!
What irks me even more is Black women are the main ones showing zero empathy or compassion, but without any hesitation support a Black man without knowing the full story.
Why do Black women find it easier not to support each other?! #korryngaines #sayhername
I have used bentonite clay before, but never bentonite clay that included Aloe Vera powder and lemon peel powder. Bentonite Clay is great for removing toxins and excessive oil from your skin. It leaves your skin glowing and smoother to the look and touch.
The instructions suggested mixing with water, Apple cider vinegar, essential oil, carrier oil or a massage oil. I chose to mix with apple cider vinegar. If you’re sensitive to smells like I am, be prepared for your eyes and nose to initially run from the smell of the Apple cider vinegar.
When I first applied the mixture, I felt a slight tingling sensation, which I attributed to the Apple cider vinegar. I bought a cheap makeup brush to apply the mixture evenly to my skin. This tingling sensation soon went away, and I began to feel the tightening of my skin. This tightening was more of a pulling sensation from the toxins being pulled from my skin. Leaving in a metropolitan area it’s good to have the toxins removed from your skin that result from the environment.
The mixture dried in about fifteen minutes and I used warm water to remove the mixture from my skin. After removal, I followed up with a moistirizer. You can also use bentonite clay in your hair, your bath water and as a body massage application.
You can purchase the clay Here. I received this bentonite clay for free in exchange for my honest and unbiased review.