Tonight is the last night I will be 47 years old. The night before my birthday I always reflect on the year. I think about my trials, tribulations and triumphs. My goal is to be s better me every year, and vow to not let the same things that caused me to stumble this year, cause me to stumble next year.
I have dealt with some things that I have never dealt with before, and some things that I thought I would never have to deal with again. I look back in amazement that I’m still standing. Like Marvin Sapp says in his song “Never Would’ve Made It.”
I’m stronger, I’m wiser
I’m better, much better
When I look back over all you brought me through
I can see that you were the one I held on to
The you that I held on to is God. I don’t know how anyone can navigate life without Him. I’ve been through some things this year that I could have legit lost my mind, BUT GOD said not so!!
I took control of my health for real this past year. Not how I had done in the past, but with consistency. Little steps turned into bigger steps and now I see my progress. I’ve lost 75lbs so far!
As I reflect, I have no regrets. Every test has become a part of my story. My story shows the essence of Annjanette. My story has helped develop the strong, God-fearing confident woman I am today.
I’m ready for Chapter 48 of the book titled “Annjanette.”
You think you’re ready for marriage. You feel you have everything together. You’re easy on the eyes, and can’t seem to understand why you are constantly looked over. Are you being honest with yourself? Are you really ready for marriage.
Here are seven signs that you’re not ready for marriage, and yet have some self-work to complete:
1. You’re selfish. You can’t fathom placing someone else’s needs above your own even for a moment. Whatever is going on has to be about you. You could never see yourself having to take care of a spouse with a chronic health condition. That would be your cue to exit.
2. You’re not letting someone else know where you’re going. You don’t have to do that! Well, when you marry someone it’s just a courtesy to let your spouse know your plans. People leave home every day, and never make it back home. It’s a sign of maturity to let your spouse know when you will arrive home.
3. You expect your spouse to fit into your life because you’re not changing. When you get married your life becomes our life. You’re not expected to stop doing what you’re doing, but you are expected to create a life with your spouse.
4. You refuse to openly communicate about your finances. Listen, this is not a roommate arrangement. When you get married, your finances become our finances. Your credit becomes our credit. Many marriages are destroyed because of finances. If you’re not ready to be truthful about your finances, you’re not ready for marriage.
5. The only good communication you have is sexual communication. Let me tell you that’s not enough! When you’re fully clothed and standing up, you have to be able to effectively communicate. Communication is very important for the success of your marriage.
6. Your vision of what marriage should be is based on what you have read in a book, seen on TV or what worked for your parents.
7. You refuse to let past transgressions go! You keep a running tally of what others do to you, or things you don’t like. You can’t wait to bring up these transgression over and over and over again. There’s no clean slate with you.
If you found yourself in any of the above statements, all is not lost. You have to be willing to work on yourself. There’s hope.
I don’t care about an endangered gorilla being killed. People are being murdered in the streets, children are being abused and molested, the elderly are being mistreated, and the poor and homeless are shunned like they have leprosy! This list can go on and on.
I’m appalled at the number of comments I have seen saying they should’ve let the child die instead of killing the gorilla, and all the comments about the mother’s parenting skills. I wasn’t there, so I won’t judge her parenting skills.
Standing on the outside looking in is a very comfortable place to be to analyze what someone else should’ve been doing.
I know I’ve been in the store and told my granddaughter to stand beside me while I looked at clothes, only for her to move, as children will do. I thank God in that few minutes nothing happened to her.
We are living in perilous and treacherous times. Some would rather an animal lived, and a child died. Some have skewed ethics and values. These are the last days!
I’m grateful a child lived!
I’m doing a series of vlogs to share my pet peeves. I’m posting them in no particular order. Each one shares equal importance of being on my list of topics that will illicit an emotional response from me that I say is passionate, and some may say is anger. We can debate the emotion expressed forever, but these are my pet peeves.
Do you have any pet peeves?
More pet peeves to come…
I just want to help others that may need need assistance navigating this journey called life. These rules are not listed in any order of importance because they are all important. Here’s some rules to live by:
Don’t burn bridges – 9 times out of 10 you’re going to need that person again.
Listen to your elders – you’ll have less headaches, heartaches and stress.
Practice good work ethics.
Don’t quit a job before you have the next job.
You are responsible for your own happiness. Don’t buy into this romance movie happiness that includes statements like “you complete me.”
Don’t have sex with folks that just look good. Are they responsible? If a child results, will you have to put out an APB for them to help with the child? Would you want this woman to be the mother of your child? Do you want this person in your life for the rest of your life?
Don’t have sex in every relationship. Is there a rule you have to have sex? Everybody ain’t worthy – ijs.
Surround yourself with folks that encourage and support you.
Learn how to be a real friend. Once you learn the real meaning, you may find out the folks you’ve been saying are on your squad are not on your squad.
Have a personal relationship with God. Give Him some of your time. He’s worthy.
*photo created by Samuel Zeller
I was getting ready for work this morning and I began to think about my dad. As my birthday is fastly approaching, I wondered what would my dad think of me. I wondered would he like the person I have become, and would he be pleased with my morals and values.
Then, I thought of one of my most vivid memories of my dad. I had to be four or five years old. I was living in Henry Horner projects – 1847 W Lake St, Apt. 806. I still remember. It was in the winter time and I was standing in front of my school. My mom had bundled me up and no one else was standing in front of the school. I realize now she must have dropped me off early to make it to work.
This man pulled up in a car and called my name. I went to the car and he said, “do you remember me?” I nodded my head and said, “Yes, you’re my daddy.” He had me get in the car to stay warm and he talked to me until it was time to go into the school. He told me he hadn’t seen me in a while, but that was going to change. I later found out I wasn’t seeing my dad because of my evil stepfather, but that’s another story.
Father’s make a permanent impression on their children. The time you spend holding your children when their babies, allowing them to sleep on your chest, feeding, bathing and all the other quality time you spend with them makes a difference. Even though time had passed, I knew “that man” was my daddy.
After my dad passed, I got a tattoo over my heart that says “Daddy’s Lil Girl.” My dad always called me “daddy’s lil girl.” I was in my twenties and my dad was still calling me his “lil girl.” The special bond I had with my father has kept me grounded. When I feel like fighting as my mom would do, the peacemaking spirit I received from my dad prevails. My dad was the first man that loved me unconditionally. He showed me what unconditional love from a man looks and feels like.
This is a call to action for father’s everywhere. I pray it’s not too late for you to make memories with your children that will help you leave a good permanent impression on your children. What do you want your children to say about you? Do you want them to remember you with good feelings, or do you want them to learn the hard way that you failed as a father. I plead with you to make a renewed commitment to your children and be the great father your children need you to be in their lives.
Since you’ve been gone, so much has happened. I almost don’t know where to begin. After you passed, I still expected the phone to ring and you to say how’s daddy’s little girl; even though I was fully grown with a husband and children of my own. Almost every day I think about you. When I look in the mirror, I see you. I see you in my children and even in my granddaughter.
That’s right!! I didn’t have the opportunity to tell you about all of the life changes. Kenny and Kendra are grown, and Kenny has a daughter. Kendra is married! Kwinton is grown and still trying to find his niche.
I earned my MBA in 2005, and you know I love school, so I’m working on another degree. You would’ve been so proud to attend all of our graduations and special events that have happened, since you’ve been gone.
I am so glad I had a dad like you. You represented everything good about daddies. You knew me better than anyone. You could tell in my voice, if something was wrong. I could depend on you to be there for me. You sacrificed for my siblings and me.
Because you are gone, my life has never been the same. People say time heals all wounds. I don’t believe that. I believe the wound doesn’t heal. I have just learned to keep living my life without you. I miss you so much and will forever be appreciative of your love.
With infinite love,
Daddy’s Lil’ Girl
Writing 101 Day Five: Be Brief
You discover a letter on a path that affects you deeply. Today, write about this encounter. And your twist? Be as succinct as possible.
I heard a knock at the door and then running feet. Someone had pushed a note under the door. The note was addressed to “Babe.”
My curiosity took over and I couldn’t resist reading the note: “I should have told you this a long time ago. My HIV test results came back and I’m…” The word is unreadable due to smudged ink.
My heart begins to beat fast! Who is this note for? I have two roommates and at one time or another our boyfriends have called us “Babe.”
I quickly dial my boyfriend’s number and receive his voice mail. Oh, I forgot he’s in his big meeting today about his scholarship. I text him – CALL ME ASAP! I text my roommates 911 – COME HOME NOW!
“Image courtesy of fotographic 1980 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”
It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club
When we think of the word loss we immediately think something negative has happened, or something negative is going to happen. These thoughts have some truth. However, have you ever paused to fully analyze who you are because of the loss?
Loss doesn’t always have to be negative. There are times loss compels us to change things about ourselves and our lives. Loss can cause us to reassess our character and change for the better. Loss brings others into our lives that we may have never known cared about us, or that we could help.
When we suffer loss, we have two choices: succumb to the loss or fight! A loss requires us to fight for our lives, families, beliefs and values. A loss will help you see who you really are, and determine if you’re happy with the reflection you see in the mirror.
Take a moment and reflect: what did you learn from the loss? What did you learn about yourself from the loss? How are you better today? Who have you helped because of what you learned from your loss?